Of Love and Family…

The other day was my grandmother’s birthday. She turned the ripe young age of 71. To celebrate, several of us went out to dinner (not on the same day, but at a more convenient time for all). Following a tasty, and albeit pleasant, meal good-bye’s were said. However, those good-bye’s excluded myself – though they did manage to include the child in my arms. It was, indeed, a baffling situation – which of course got the wheels in my head turning…

This particular family consists of: my mother, her brother, one of her two sisters (both if the other happens to be on this side of the country), and their mother. Aside from my great-grandparents (from the same half of my blood), and the other bits of family that came with celebrating with them – that’s all the family I’ve ever really known.

I grew up knowing my dad - he and my mother were still married until I was 9. Though all of his family still lives in Wyoming, aside from his brothers – one of whom passed in 2002, and the other lives in the Dominican Republic. I had spent summers with these grandparents when I was younger, but that’s all the further our relationship had gone.

Beyond those blood relations I’ve also got the family I created: my son, and my partner (along with the bits of family that comes along with her). Right now I’m operating as a single mother, for reasons I won’t get into, so it’s hard for me to really distinguish where my family lies.

When I say the word “family”, typically speaking I am referring to my mother’s half of my blood. More often than not I do include my father in this as well, though for sake of separation and easy conversation the other respective members have been excluded. This is not to say that I don’t love them, as I do – very fondly, this is simply that they have not made such a drastic impact on my life for the simple reason of physical distance. I was also not raised in an environment where people truly reached out to each other, so physical distances have never really been over come. 

My time thus far in CAYA has shed new light within this area of my mind. The lovely people associated with this coven have really shown me that there can be more than the stereotypical definition that blood = family. Family is so much more than that.

Family is those who will love you unconditionally, just as you are. Family will stand by your side and hold you up, even when you didn’t realize you had been falling. Family will sit with you through the good times, and the bad – and they will be your undying support.

Today happened to be one of my Initiate meetings, and during our time together we take a moment to check-in and see how everything is going, and how everyone is doing. This is a space of love and openness and perfect support.

We were able to give a blessing to one of my fellow initiates tonight. This blessing is done when any member experiences a great change of life – be it a new child, or a death in the family. Unfortunately tonight’s blessing was due to the latter.  We gathered around this sister, energetically washed her of the tendrils of her burden, and then we sang to her. We filled the hole that was left with the love we have for her – nothing will ever replace what she lost, but she will know more solidly that we are always there for her whenever she needs. She is whole.

The other nice thing about this coven is that they take 2 vacations (consisting of whomever can come). One is in the fall, and the other in spring. This will be the first year that I, and my fellow initiates, will be invited to the fall retreat. And next spring will mark the same for that retreat as well. Both are a chance to reconnect and tighten up our bonds, and for some to actually put down roots within the community.

In addition to both of these retreats they also host a Thanksgiving feast. This is a potluck with whatever you can manage, and again just a chance to sit and warmly celebrate. I am hoping to also celebrate with them in this. This meal is supposed to be a celebration of that which you are thankful for (history aside). And as I progress through this year I am finding more and more reasons to be thankful for these people, and for them to be so closely in my life.

With all of my heart, I can say that I do love these people. I do not have the same love for them that I do my son, nor my partner. But it is becoming clearer that they are in my life for the long haul, and we will not part ways before my life, and theirs, has been drastically changed for the better.