Change

I obtained my first piece of Moldavite several months ago, with my second piece about a month after that. Moldavite is a rather special stone. It is believed to come from a meteor that hit Earth some 15 million years ago. There are varying thoughts on the matter as to if it was the meteor itself, or if it was the way the earth changed at impact - either way the stone came from that event. Healing Crystals has some good information, also Shimmerlings, and Crystal Personalities - these are typically my go-to websites when I look up any crystal and it's properties.

All in all... this is a MAJOR transformational stone.

Most people can sense and feel this stone right off the bat, I am not one of those people. After I got the initial "ooh, pretty" on both look and feel, I haven't felt the stone much at all. I will say that every now and then it gives me a nudge of power/energy to let me know it's still there and doing its' thing. There are personal reports from people who wind up leaving relationships or other things in their lives after obtaining this stone to find that they had been in a stagnant situation that was beginning to harm them on many levels.

I got this stone in hopes of opening up certain closed off areas of my spiritual and energetic bodies. I still think it's possible for that to happen, however it seems that that is not the case for the foreseeable future - and that's okay. However, I'm feeling major change come my way.

I was actually headed to a full moon ritual when it dawned on me that this was the Moldavite working. I've been generally happy with my hair for some time now (I wouldn't let it grow to be as long as it is if I wasn't). I've been content with the slow moving progression of my weight and the goals I have for changing it. I've never been radical about what colours I dye my hair - red with simple blonde highlighting was the furthest I ever went with it. I do want more piercings and tattoos, but I've been okay with the slow progression of that too. I never had a phase where I just up and changed my look or presence in any fashion. In fact the most radical thing I did was probably changing my name. But somehow I feel that right now, this time, is time for me to go through some of that.

I don't know for sure what will come of this, but I do know that the jolt is going to be enough to get me further onto the right path. In the meantime I've been researching tattoo plans, piercing ideas, hairstyle choices - did you know that you can now donate colour treated hair to Locks of Love? Which means that depending on how short I cut my hair I can donate my base-of-the-spine length hair to the cause.

I'm also trying to find other ways to change up my physical appearance, though I'm coming up short on the matter. New clothes, and shoes to match, will come after I get fit. And as much as I want to do this, I somehow can't imagine 99% of my existing wardrobe matching even in the slightest. That may not be a problem for some people, but for a Scorpio with OCD issues it's just a bit too much to take in.

Now I'm stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts and ideas and plans and anything else of the like. Only problem is that I don't know what to do with, or about, any of it. Part of me is stuck on "this isn't suitable for a parent of a 3 year old", the rest of me is going "to hell with what people think, it's my body and my life - I'll do what I wish". Either way it's still difficult to find the time to do any of the things I'm thinking about, and I still have to work through/around that when I make any decisions.

UPDATE: I was able to donate 16 inches of my hair to Locks of Love, and 19 total inches were cut off. I dyed my hair a purple-ish red colour from Reshma Femme henna. And I'm LOVING it!

Running Adventures

I started running a few months ago with my friend Ivy. She started up with a couple of other friends - 3 at first, that has now grown to be about 10 people (and will likely keep growing). I've had my hiccups along the way and in light of everything - I'm okay with being in the middle of "Week 3" right now.

Ivy, the glorious rockstar that she is (it's a thing, bear with me), finished her 9 week program two weeks ago, and ran her first 5k last week. We are all so proud of her and look to her as a sort of demi-goddess/ hero. Her next goals are to run a 10k, but before she got started she wanted to kind of take it easy since she had just run her fist race. We have been going out on the same nights, and doing the "warm-up" portion and the post-workout stretching together since the beginning. Though this week she's been pacing me, and helping with the stroller to change up her routine as preparation for the 5k to 10k training.

We were talking last night, as we were out running, about future plans (which I won't ruin). In a roundabout way we got to talking about how few articles there are about running in mother/fatherhood. The articles that one CAN find are geared towards the parents who ran before baby came along, and how you should ease back into things before getting back on your marathon schedule. Or the articles are geared towards upper-middle class, two parent households where mom and dad can actually take turns with minding the baby. I haven't found one yet that is actually helpful for single parent households, or for two parent households where mom and dad can't take turns with minding the baby. (Note: "mom and dad" is my chosen phrase to denote parent 1 and parent 2 - please substitute for your preferred terms as you feel called to do so.)

So I figured... why not write one myself? When I finish my first 5k I may write a revision in a new post.

For clarity's sake - this is for parents who have never run before, but may also serve to be helpful for other newbies to the running world. I am a single mother to a 3 year old, and the remainder of this post will be the things I wish I had known before I got started.

1) Getting started. I should have checked in with my body more-so than what I did. I have asthma as well as knee and back problems. None of which I took care of BEFORE I started. Granted I started as a spur of the moment sort of thing and took things as they came, but I really should have put more thought into it before jumping off the deep end. Getting new asthma meds, physical therapy and a knee strap for my knee, as well as a self-inspired purchase of a stomach/back brace. Most of my ailments have been fixed.

As we all know, every exercise and fitness program recommends that you talk to your doctor before getting started. Use your better judgement on this and check-in with yourself, and seek treatment for things that may become a problem.

2) Get good shoes. No really... go out, spend the money, and get ACTUAL running shoes.
The first week I started I just used the only decent shoes I had since I didn't have the time or the money to go out and spend on new shoes. That part wasn't so bad, and I'm glad I tested the waters of the program like that - but when I did go out and get new shoes I got the wrong ones. I wound up getting a pair of Propet's - which is specifically a walking shoe. Trying to run in them just caused me a ton of unnecessary pain, and wound up aggravating my knee problems and put me out of commission for a couple of weeks.

I recommend that you go out and find a small business running shoe store. East Bay women can check out See Jane Run - they are FANTASTIC. The staff is super helpful, and they will take the time to get you what you need. They hooked me up with a pair of Brooks (the Ghost 6 to be exact), and I am in LOVE. There was no "break-in" time, and my feet were just instantly happy. Several of the women in the group (plus a few men that are not associated with the group) have found this brand of shoe to be just what they needed. Downside is that they cost about $100 - but it really is worth every penny. Find the right brand and model for your feet - your feet will thank you!

3) Get a decent jogging stroller. Clearly this one only applies to parents who will be taking their children with them. Even if you only plan to take your child with you once a week, or once a month - you need a jogger. Going back to my previous statement of "time and money were not things that I had when I started", I did my first run with my standard 4-wheeled travel system stroller. Those strollers are not built for running, and I jacked up my back for trying. Before my second run I went and got a jogger. I wish I had the money to get a better one, but the Baby Trend that I did get ($99 at Target) is working well for me. I go out 3 days a week for my runs, and I use it when we go walking around shopping centers - it does what I need it to do, and for the more "every day" trips I like it a little better than the other one (the tighter turns are marvelous).

There are tons of articles out there going over stroller specs and which one is best for what. I waded through them, and wished I could try them all myself. I went with budget friendly over true desire. One day I'll upgrade, but for now it works.

4) Running with a stroller is WAAAAAY different than running without. It's going to take time to acclimate to it. Remember, not only are you pushing the weight of your child (and any toys s/he's brought along), you're also pushing the weight of the stroller itself - for me that adds up to about 50lbs. Depending on the stroller height and your personal height you may not be at an optimal posture either - do try to aim of the more upright, slightly-forward posture. Find what works and keep going.

5) Find an app that you can follow. Beginning a running routine is no easy feat if you've never gone out before. A lot of it is stamina building, and is best done with run/walk intervals. I mainly use Red Rock Apps' Run a 5k!, and several of the girls in the group use Active's Couch to 5k. There are others around, and no 2 are the same. Run a 5k! is a 7 week program, where Couch to 5k is 9.

I like the intervals on the one I use on a mentality level, though I see the benefits of Couch to 5k as well. Ivy herself "really endorses the Active, Inc. as a Couch to 5K program, she found it hit a great spot of challenging but doable for somebody super un-athletic (but a non-parent)."

6) Make a schedule and stick to it. Put your runs on your calendar, so that you don't schedule something else. And if you do have an event that you need to attend, you can rearrange your whole week before you even begin it. During my first "Week 2" a friend of mine had a baby blessing on my regular run night and it threw me off kilter for the whole week. Knowing that I run Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday I can make plans for things any other night of the week and not feel bad that I'm going to miss out on a whole week's worth of progress.

7) Find people that you can go out with, or otherwise connect with. Having a buddy system, or a level of accountability will keep you motivated. In the beginning, if I didn't meet up with someone - I didn't go. And if I didn't have people to go out with, I wouldn't have even started. If you're unable to do that, pick a destination or a great running spot that will keep you wanting to go back. Now that I'm more acclimated to the process, and running along the beach - if I have to go out by myself I'm totally cool with it. Plus, meeting up with my friends keeps my son somewhat interested. "Oh, go see Ivy" is the hook factor of getting him into the car and ready to go.

8) Week 1 is going to suck. If not Week 1, it'll be Week 2. It's TOTALLY okay, and it DOES get better. I never did go through the "sore for days" thing that several of the others did, but Week 2 was a killer point for me (granted I blame most of that on the horrible shoes). It's better to be fore-warned, but please don't get discouraged. Even knowing what I was getting into when I finally came back into the program (after getting my knee dealt with), Week 2 day 2 (round 2) kinda sucked. Though doing Week 3 day 1 last night was awesome and exhilarating.

9) Monthly cycles will throw you off. Also in the note of the "sucky" category - running while you're menstruating. I realize everyone has different symptoms during that time, and not everyone will hate it as much, but it is something to be aware of. And just remember, the run that you have after you're done is going to feel AMAZING.

Running during this time is likely to make you more sore, and your times are likely to go down even if you feel completely fine. I know for me running the day or two before I started bleeding, and while I was bleeding (even the light, only spotting every few hours day) was generally discouraging. Though the day after I had stopped I was back to feeling normal (if you take out the unrelated insomnia I had). It's normal, just keep at it and keep going! :)

For any dad's out there reading this, if you have monthly fluctuations this is something to keep in mind as well. Beings that I'm not a man I can't attest to what may or may not happen, but keep your chin up.

10) Its okay to take a break. I mention this one only because getting sick, or generally feeling ill, is something that happens - especially with kids in the picture. The general rule of thumb is that it's okay to go on your normal run if all of your symptoms are above the neck, anything below the neck warrants rest or you'll be out of the game for longer. Don't beat yourself up if your body is requesting a break, it's okay. Just be mindful and check-in with yourself.

Reflections...

There are many things the come through my Facebook and Twitter feeds. Many things that turn me to a thought provoking process, which on top of the recent water trine and my internal systems reaching a point of climax has meant that I've been all over the map. UpWorthy and Huffington Post have been major contributors to the recent trend of events for me.

Last week I saw this video... I was heartbroken to the point of bawling on a morning commuter train heading into San Francisco. I urge people to watch it, and to become aware - but only at the full disclosure that it is not, by any means, and easy thing to see. This instance is fictional, but it is a reality for too many. I was ready to hop onto the next East Bay bound train just so that I could scoop my baby up and never let him go. For the purposes of this post, I am desperately holding back tears from the mere thought of it - just as I do every single time it pops into the forefront of my mind.

It's a lot to take in and it honestly makes me question where my priorities lie. It makes me reevaluate what I'm doing with my life, what I want to do with my life etc. Hardly anything for me is stable right now, and with Tuesday's New Moon now is the time to rethink things. As I mentioned in my last post I'm going to start building a list of things I want for my life, for my self, for... the world.

Then this morning I saw this other video, that also put me to tears. Not on the train, and certainly not to the same extreme, but most definitely for the same weight of emotional pull. Watching it reminds me of how much I'm doing, and how important that work is. Regardless of what my family dynamic is, and what I want it to be, as it stands right now - this very moment - I am a single mother. I am the one who does all of the things, all of the time. I am the one making sure everything gets done, and that at the end of the day I've created a better life for my son. Extenuating circumstances came into play, no one left intentionally, but whether they did or not - it's still just me at home.

It's my job to make sure that my son is raised right. It's my job to make sure that my son has all that he needs to grow up to be the person HE wants to be.

So after all of that playing through my head, I stumble across this... I hit a huge "kick self in ass" road block and just sat there for about ten minutes. The amount of times in a day I use 'hurry up' with my poor child is probably upwards of a dozen on those real trying days, but still more than a handful on a more typical, low key day. My son doesn't stop to smell every rose on our way from point A to point B like the child in the article, but he does take his sweet time. I know that a lot of our problems are my fault for not giving him as much time as I've come to learn that he needs. The rest fall under the categories of scheduling too much and not wanting to be late. Plus then they're those days where I pick him up from daycare and it takes him 15 minutes to get into his seat and get his seat belt on, usually only after much convincing that he can't actually sit in the adult seat. I get so frustrated, and so unnecessarily (most of the time).

Why do I need that frustration? And why should I ruin his experiences due to my haste? Basically I came to the decision that I need to employ this new policy. I need to enjoy things with my son, as opposed to fighting him just to satisfy my desires to get going a little faster.

Out of Touch

Aw man... So I'm clearly not sticking to my self-induced rule of posting once a month :( Yet another thing to go onto my "falling behind on" list.

I have been all over the place lately - not being able to focus, wanting to do all of the things... and showing little consistency. I did get to read the first three books in the "Beautiful Creatures" series, with book 4 coming out in paperback in October. I did start getting fit. I did overcome physical issues with my knee and my asthma acting up. Yet, while doing all of that, I managed to realize just how far behind I am on my reading, and how much I've missed with my musical interests.

I was looking for new books to obtain and read, and remembered a series that I had started reading while I was still pregnant and shortly after the birth of my son. In the past 3 years, that series went from having 3 or so books in it to over 10 - I've only read the first 2. I can only imagine whats happened to the other series that I've started over the years and had to move on because the next book hadn't come out yet - yes I like to stick to just one series at a time since I typically only find them after several have already been published.

On the music side... I haven't even looked for new CDs to get in a long while, and the last ones I bought were all Pagan themed since I had none prior. There are artists that I love to sink into when I'm in a mood, and I've missed so much. Granted the cost of music is much cheaper than it was even 5 years ago with the rise of iTunes and similar sites, but the mere thought of buying all of the music that I've missed or that I had never considered owning before just sends my wallet into shock. Catching up on one particular artist will cost me about $100 through iTunes, and more so if I went and bought the physical CDs so I could also listen to them in my car.

I used to have a list of all of the books I wanted to read, some I owned and some I didn't. It's been on my mind lately... I should find it and update it according. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to find it since I created it on a computer I no longer own, though maybe the power of the internets will save me because I think I posted it somewhere. I never did make one for music, though from the looks of it I'm going to have to start one. Pandora will just have to do in the meantime.

On the other side of things I've been thinking about my bucket list... Not exactly sure that's what I want to call it, but I want to make a list of things that I want to do and learn in my lifetime - which is the basis of a Bucket List. But ever since the movie came out (as amazing as it was) the term has just boomed all over the place, and I'm not exactly the type to follow the norm and do what everyone else is doing. I try to be unique (many years of being teased because my tastes just happen to line up with what others have started doing).

Ever since I started working out with the rest of Team Atlanta (an every growing couch to 5k running group started by the one and only Ivy) I've been feeling more alive than I've felt in a while. With that I want to retain the motivation to learn and do more and just get more in touch with what used to make me happy - or what will make me happy now.

I think now that I've become more committed to blogging I'll find a way to create the space for the 3 different lists on here. Not sure how I'm going to make that happen exactly, but I'll figure something out :)


Happy in Life