Toddlers and Sleep (or a lack thereof)

Last night was one that is unfortunately too frequent of an occurrence. Put the baby to bed, we disagreed, I left, he cried - all typical events on a regular basis. Then when I finally peeled my sorry butt off of the couch at 1am and went up stairs, I hear this little patter come down the hall. Now, mind you, I've just gone into the bathroom - all lights are off in the house, and I'm still expecting him to be in bed. He pops his head into the bathroom (which is really just a fashion of a hall leading to the toilet). Scared the livin hell outta me.

I convinced him to go ahead of me back to bed (he tends to sleep the first few hours in my bed before I sneak drop him into his own if I have enough energy), and he was going so fast he slipped a couple of times. This was slightly amusing until it occurred to me that we really needed to just go to sleep.

This is where the real fun began... I had to convince him ALL OVER AGAIN to crawl into bed. And this time I had better leverage - I was going to be staying there this time. He didn't want to cooperate until I had fully laid down, and as a result was more in the arena of 3/4s asleep. After getting him onto the bed he tossed, turned, talked, kicked, poked, and every other little annoying thing a small devil child can do to his/her mother to be the most annoying thing on the planet. He did this for an hour. An hour!

Finally having had enough I got up, yelled at him to go to sleep - sincerely considered going back downstairs to sleep on the couch, also considered grabbing a blanket and sleeping on the floor in his room...

I wound up walking out of the room for a couple of minutes, decided it was too much energy to go anywhere else but back to bed, and thus turned around and went back. He talked off and on for a few minutes, but nothing bad enough that I couldn't easily fall asleep and stay there. Unfortunately morning comes a lot faster when it's already 2 am, so I've been running on limited sleep.

Then tonight happens... We had a ritual for the Bloodroot Honey Priestess Tribe, it started at 8:15 or so (as they do) and he was an all around good boy through the whole thing. He's been going to ritual with me for the vast majority of his life, so it's nothing new to him. His tiredness and tolerance levels depict how good he's going to be. Today was apparently a good day and set him up well for a long evening.

We left the space about 11p, got gas, and headed on our way home. We asked about how proud I was of him (it's good for both of us if I remind him), and he started commenting on cars as they drove past. When we got onto the freeway he saw an ambulance drive pas, and as he's been on a "fire truck" he called it such. We practiced how to say "ambulance", he gave it a good effort but I heard the lack of enthusiasm - not surprising. He mumbled a few things after that then must've fallen asleep, because not 2 minutes later when we pulled off the freeway he was sound asleep. Asleep enough that he didn't wake up when we got home.

Life is so strange when you have kids. No two days are ever the same. Some days you get a bed to yourself, others you have to share. But every day is filled with love - and it's truly magickal.

New Things on the Horizon

This past month has been one hell of a roller coaster. Lots of things going on at work. Lots of things going on in the stars. Just all around lots going on.

Since getting into the final stages of my Initiation I've been rather busy on the whole, but here in the last day or two of April I'm accomplishing my goal to post at least once per month. I just got a new iPad, so that should help me stay on track with this plan through the year - and who knows... It may even provoke me to post more.

I made a promise to myself earlier this year, with witnesses, that I would give myself a break more often, and take time just for me (no baby). I've actually been keeping up with that a little bit. I'm still trying to get the hang of it, but I've already gone out a couple of times with some friends. I went and got my nails done yesterday, and I'm going out again tonight to celebrate my good friends birthday.

I've also, just last night, set up a secondary blog. I created it through Wordpress. I have a few friends who prefer their interface to this one, so I thought I'd give it a try. Figure if all else fails I can just transfer those posts to a new section of this existing space. This new blog (found here) will be for my exploration of the tarot, and will be a space for me to offer readings while I'm learning this divinatory practice. Eventually it will include astrological items as well, and other currently unknown items as well. I want to start offering services, and I thought this would be a good place for me to start.

I'm not sure how things are going to pan out, but I hope that these changes are for the highest good of all. And most importantly I hope I can help a few people along the way.

Love and Light!

Final Touches

So, last weekend was the big, private retreat, where we as a coven go off into the woods to celebrate the mystery and the transformation of ourselves, and the to-be-ordained Initiates. This past weekend was the smaller, public ritual that seals the deal.

My Saturday was spent preparing for the ritual, making sure everything was packed and ready to go, and attempting to make my hair cooperate. This whole time change thing had me on my toes towards the end of my "allotted time" though - that was rather interesting, and anything but fun.

I got several comments on how much like Marilyn Monroe I looked, plus a few others on just how beautiful I was. I was highly flattered, and am still floating on the feel-good feelings that they brought up. My hair actually cooperated (even still had curls the next day, which was a total bonus), which if you know anything about me and my hair you know how much of a win this was. And I had a real good time!

I invited a dear friend of mine, who was able to come - which meant that I got to share that moment with someone I knew, who wasn't in the clergy, or on the path to being a clergy-person. From what I've heard it left a lasting impression, of the good variety, in both her and her precious daughter - which was another win!

It's been a couple of years since CAYA has had an Ordination ritual. Due to various reasons, the coven took a break from having Initiates and started the path of having Aspirants who would become Dedicants, who could immediately turn into Initiates if they so chose. I was able to attend the last ritual where they held ordinations - and it was lovely, but it's been 2 years so I'd forgotten some of the finer details.

This ritual was put on by several of the new Initiates (who I had the pleasure of watching grow during their Aspirant training), as well as a handful of other clergy. I must say they did an amazing job! I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and was able to experience what they had to offer. By the time it got to the point where my hive-mates and I were to go on the stage, I was so antsy with anticipation I could hardly wait. Of course, this part is best explained if you were actually there, but man... it.was.GOOD!

I proclaimed that I am the Priestess of the Soul's Journey, and that I have dedicated my work to Isis, Hekate, and Artemis.

Magick is in the Air

I just came back from the most magickal of weekends...

Four days in the woods. Four days of peaceful bliss. Four days of nothing but Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.

This weekend was my Ordination weekend, it was spent with my Sisters and my Brothers - with not one care in the world. Well, I can't say that entirely - as I did have a few moments of worry. I was baby-free this weekend so that I could more fully focus on the mystery at hand - so I did have my "mommy-moments" desperately curious about how my baby was, but other than that it was all care free.

Given that this is a mystery tradition, and that with most covens in general certain things are not to be discussed, I really can't talk about too much about the finer details. What I can say is that this whole experience was genuinely and massively healing to the nth degree.

I am proud to be a part of this coven, this community - this family. I am proud to call myself a loyal sister, and to hold the title of "Priestess". And I am grateful that they have welcomed me.

Love and Mystery

Getting Fit and Healthy

This morning in my Twitter feed I came across a post from Shaklee... "Apply today for the #Shaklee180 healthy blogger program". Having been thinking about my health as of late - I applied. (Entries due by 31 Jan, sadly for women only - sorry gents!) This application is to get accepted into a program that has 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place prices (all including substantial gift cards to get an awesome new wardrobe for your awesome new body). The program provides "workout gear, shoes, equipment, and more." And from the looks of things, this is going to be one heck of a program!

Along with the winter time cold, I've been having more and more problems with my own body rebelling against me. I'm 25 years young, I should NOT be feeling this old! I'm a mom to a wonderful 2 year old who's ready to call it a day by 6 o'clock. I have had to start walking in the door when I get home from work, to immediately start working on dinner - otherwise it'll take an extra hour to get it to the table. Plus, after dinner my son wants to play for the next 1.5-2 hours until bed time. Then occasionally, I find myself sitting down on the couch after I get him all tucked into bed to relax, just to find myself groggily waking up in a funky position at 12:30 in the morning.

Something. Needs. To. Change!

I have been good about going for walks during the work week, 10-12 walks in the 4 weeks I've been back to work this year. I put in 2 miles each time, and it's down a very sunny street - which adds a good dose of Vitamin D, and helps to keep me warm in the San Francisco chill. But that's all I've been doing.

I look forward to this potential challenge. I'm looking forward to being able to get fit alongside countless other women. I'm looking forward to finally being able to change my body on my terms.

I stopped drinking sodas a year ago this Friday. It's been a challenge, though I will admit that on two occasions I did have some 1) a dear friend had come over, and left her drink to be thrown out - I had no other liquid in the house aside from water out of the tap, and I was thirsty. 2) I was at a kids birthday party for a family friend, and mistook the Sprite for the Water (which was empty). Not really intentional, but again I was thirsty and didn't opt to find actual water instead. Most people who follow through with no longer drinking soda find themselves shedding pounds right and left... Me... I gained 30.

I had a child and gained 10 glorious pounds after shedding off the baby weight. Things shift around, and I was happy to have only gained that much. I went back to work in an office setting over a year later and gained 10 more. Again, not that big of a deal - could have been worse. Four months after that is when I gave up the toxic mess that is soda-pop, and slowly the rest added itself on.

Now, the last time I weighed this much and lost it all I was a stressed out mess who worked too much, and slept too little. I was the 200 I am now, and over the course of 6 months I dropped down to 145. It was fantastic! But I don't know what I did to do it, and every time someone asks me - all I can do is shrug and declare that their guess is as good as mine. I wasn't working out. When I ate it was mostly fast-food. There were a LOT of unhealthy habits tied to that. Though it sure did give my confidence a massive boost!

This new opportunity would provide me the chance to actually get healthy, not just slim. Every time I talk about my want of getting fit this year, I'm always quick to qualify it with "I want to be healthy", noting that any weight shrinkage* would be a much welcomed side effect. (*= I use 'shrinkage' instead of 'loss' here because, frankly, I don't want to find it again)

While it would be nice to win one of the final prizes, or any of the claimed prizes along the way, the thing I look forward to most is the journey.

Even if I don't get accepted into this program, I'm still going to look forward to the months to come. I have a buddy to go on my work walks with - which makes them more fun. And as the sun continues to return, more opportunities will be provided to take my son outside to run around the good ol' fashioned way.

A New Year, A New Me

Two thousand and thirteen. What a number! If you're in to numerology it's a power number of 6: "all about sacrificing, caring, healing, protecting and teaching others" (Source Here). Not to mention the "13" that shows in it's short form - whatever your beliefs, that too is big. 

For me, this year will complete my Initiation into the Wildflower Tradition of CAYA Coven. It's been an amazing journey, had some ups and downs, but I've made it trough - and now the countdown begins toward Ordination.

I've set a goal to blog at least once per month, with high hopes of being able to post more than that. I'm not sure yet what that will consist of, but I'm hopeful of the journey that will soon come to pass. I'll look into writing prompts or other topics, anything that can get my mind whirling. I will welcome any suggestions as well - I make no promises to post on all that come in, but I will source those that I do.

I've been meaning to get more hands on with the Tarot as well. I have several decks, all of which I've pulled beautiful readings from. Though I strive to learn to do that without the help of books. I have amazing friends who can read the cards without a second thought, and I admire them dearly. Now's my turn to do it myself, maybe that will be part of my monthly postings... Hmm.

I wish you all luck on your adventures. May you have a Blessed year. And may you find love along the way!

The Life of Moving

One of my goals this year was to get my own place, and away from family. Well, the end of June marked that huge step for me. Though it unfortunately pulled me away from one of my other goals for the year: blogging.

I've been so wrapped up with catering to a 2 year old, trying to unpack, keep the place picked up, and catching up on much needed sleep that many of my goals fell to the way side. I've been in the place for 6 months now, I'm still not even "mostly" unpacked - more like "sort of mostly", but it's finally starting to feel like it's really MINE.

Finally I have a safe haven. Finally I have the space to be truly free, without the unwanted gaze of someone who I feel is constantly judging my every move. Finally - I can be me.

The ability to walk around the house in whatever I so please in any given moment - be it with pants, or without, and to be able to simply decide to put the dishes off until later has been quite an experience! Not many realize how freeing it is to be able to walk around the house in nothing but a t-shit and panties, knowing that it's YOUR house, knowing that no one can just spontaneously come home and catch you doing it (which is typically followed by an unsupportive look).

This is my new life, and all I have to do is LIVE!